The tendency, and nature, of most people is to move in a forward direction, to evolve, to mature. The problem is, there are some people that tend to move in circular pattern. The thing about it is, those people do not evolve, mature or change themselves for the better. When a person goes through a trial they tend to take what they learned, from failure or success, and that event alters the person they are slightly. Some people refuse to take the lessons they learn as an opportunity to grow as a person. I am stubborn, and have no problem admitting it, but I still am affected by my life experiences and internalize the lessons I learn from them. I find that I attach myself to people that are stuck in this circular pattern, like a wounded duck, I want to help them. The problem is, they are stuck and there is no amount of sanity, advice, love, caring, forgiveness, heartache, pain, suffering, or any other amount of intangible emotion that one can supply to a person that simply cannot change. Believe me, I have tried, and I ended up with two bottles of wine crying so hard my eyes were swollen for two days and my bleeding heart broken until it is healed by time. I tried to care away the circle, but believe me, after doing this to myself four times (circles remember) I found myself lying in my bed with no desire to move. It wasn’t so much the desire, but the will. Breaking my will is a very difficult task, and the fact that my soft spot landed on a person that habituates circles, manipulating and using people is a very nasty trick from the universe. The thing about circle people is they are harmful to others, but mostly themselves. They are stuck in a never ending pity party and set of habits that cause them pain which ensues the beginning again. I fell into a circle, deep into one. I dont care about people easily, nor do I forgive, but I continued to do so because… well, I dont know why. Maybe I am insane or a masochist. But nonetheless, I tried to break the circle with encouragement and hope. The thing is, I am a pessimist by nature, encouragement and hope dont come to me easily. So, this was quite a stretch for me. But, I did and it didn’t work. So, the damn glass is still half empty. The circles are gone now. I cut them out because I am a person that needs to move forward, evolve, and change. I was stuck in a constant loop, like the same bad song that is stuck on repeat and you cannot find the off button. I still care, I would be lying if I said I didn’t. Was I angry? Absolutely. But anger fades, and that is dangerous. Not remembering why you are angry at people, but also being able to hold anger within yourself. You have to find a balance. The anger faded. The hurt lingers. The worry and care are still there with no satisfaction. But the healing is in progress.
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